


so ahead of yourself (that you forgot what you need)

by VeriLee



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - 13 Going On 30 Fusion, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, But This Whole Thing Is Under 2k So, F/M, Fluff, Kinda, Like One Minute Of Angst, Time Travel, unbetad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 16:21:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18641713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeriLee/pseuds/VeriLee
Summary: “Ben,” she whispered hoarsely, and his heart clenched to hear him use his real name again, “I can't tell you what it's been like to spend time with you this week. I saw someone I thought was gone forever. It felt like the old us.”“Why can't it be the old us? Why can't we start again?” Kylo was aware he was begging. He didn't care.“Because this isn't high school. We're not 17. We can't go back.” Rey reached out and touched his cheek this time, but her touch was laced with pity. “I missed you for a long time. But I moved on. And you moved on.”---A quick little 13 Going on 30 AU ficlet





	so ahead of yourself (that you forgot what you need)

_"Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?_  
_You better cool it off before you burn it out_  
_You got so much to do and only_  
_So many hours in a day"_

_\- Vienna by Billy Joel_

 

Rey backed away from Kylo, eyes wide, shaking her head slightly.

 

“I didn’t mean that…” she trailed off then, leaving him to wonder what she was about to say.

 

Kylo’s hands hung awkwardly in the air, still in position from cupping Rey’s cheek, as he had leaned in for the kiss he thought they both wanted. He could feel his cheeks warming, as confusion and embarrassment warred inside him.

 

 _Clearly_ , he was way off base.

 

“Shit, Rey, I’m sorry,” Kylo stuttered, finally dropping his hands. “After this week, I thought that...I thought that…” _That you wanted me too, that we could go back, that I had another chance._

 

His desperate plea went unspoken as Rey shook her head. He could see tears in the corner of her own eyes but her expression was firm. She had always been the stronger one, _always_

 

“Ben,” she whispered hoarsely, and his heart clenched to hear him use his real name again, “I can't tell you what it's been like to spend time with you this week. I saw someone I thought was gone forever. It felt like the old us.”

 

“Why can't it be the old us? Why can't we start again?” Kylo was aware he was begging. He didn't care.

 

“Because this isn't high school. We're not 17. We can't go back.” Rey reached out and touched his cheek this time, but her touch was laced with pity. “I missed you for a long time. But I moved on. And you moved on.”

 

Kylo opened his mouth to protest again but Rey halted him.

 

“I'm going back to England in a week. You built a life here; you're _married_.”

 

“Divorced,” Kylo argued. “And Bazine filed the papers before I got in touch with you, it's not like we’d be doing anything wrong.”

 

“You don't think that might be part of why you want this?” Rey asked gently as if letting a child down softly. “That you want to go back to a simpler time because your marriage is struggling?”

 

“It's not _struggling_ , it's over. And Rey, you're not a rebound! I won't hurt you, not again!”

 

“I know you wouldn't mean to, but Ben…”

 

“Rey if I could take it back, I would. I'd stand up to Hux, and to Snoke; I'd choose you every time.”

 

Rey's eyes were soft and sad. “I believe you mean that now. And that makes this even harder. But we've been on different paths for too long. I'm going back to my life, and so are you.”

 

She stepped closer, leaned up on her toes to kiss him. It wasn't the passionate promise he'd tried to make before. It was a faint whisper spoken against his lips. It was goodbye.

 

“Part of me will always love you, Ben,” Rey said as she stepped back. “I wish you all the best.”

 

And then she was walking away and Ben was trailing his fingers over his mouth, already mourning the touch he'd longed for, would never have again.

 

Stunned, he sat down on the park bench, barely feeling the sun on his skin, the thudding in his ears drowning out the sound of kids playing on the nearby jungle gym.

 

Ben reached into his pocket to rub his thumb over the penny Rey had given him all those years ago, the coin she told him was double good luck because not only had she found it heads-up, but it had been minted in his birth year.

 

The penny Armitage Hux had told him was a stupid superstition and to throw away. The penny he'd found tucked into his old yearbook like fate the day the courier had brought the divorce papers over for him to sign.

 

He wished he could go back, undo every time he had listened to Hux, and blown off Rey because he demanded his time, undo following Snoke as his start-up business took shadier and shadier turns, undo leaving Rey and his family and _Ben himself_ behind as he adopted a name and persona none of them could love, least of all himself.

 

Maybe early on he could blame his own weakness, following the lead of those stronger than himself. But he knew the truth. Kylo was always Ben, and it was Ben who had made one bad decision over another, hurt and used others.

 

And here, in the end, he was left to live with the consequences of his actions. For the first time in who knew how long, a single tear slid down his cheek as he mourned what he lost before he ever really had it. He closed his eyes, clutching the penny so hard it would leave a mark in his palm, since he couldn't hold the hand he wanted to.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~

 

It was suddenly chilly. _Too_ cold, even with the sight breeze that had been rustling through the trees in the park. The cold air was a nice shock, however, to his sweaty skin. Even if he hadn’t realized he _had_ been sweating.

 

“Come _on,_ Kylo,” a whiny voice to his left said, nudging his shoulder roughly. “What are you doing, get up!”

 

It sounded like Hux. When had _he_ shown up? How had he known to find Ben here?

 

And then, Ben realized with a start, he didn’t know where _here_ was.

 

He opened his eyes, expecting bright sunlight, though for the life of him he wasn’t entirely sure _why._ Instead, he was greeted by the dim glow of street lamps in a parking lot and the confused, if not annoyed, faces of his friends, Armitage Hux and Gwen Phasma staring down at where he sat on the bumper of some random car.

 

“Snoke has his brother’s ID but he has to get it back to him before he realizes it’s missing. We have like, 20 minutes tops to get to the liquor store and you’re the only one with a car.” Phasma kicked his dress shoe with her own. “Move it.”

 

Ben tried to get his bearings. Prom. He was at prom. Or rather, outside prom. Faint music could be heard wafting from the cracked door of the auditorium on the other side of the lot.

 

 _How had he ended up here?_ He struggled to stand up on shaky feet.

 

“I was waiting by the Falcon; What’s the hold-up?” Alistair Snoke asked in irritation, crossing the lot and brandishing the ID that Phas had mentioned.

 

Hux sighed, rolling his eyes. “Moody here is still simpering over Johnson. He didn’t want to _leave her behind_ ,” he said, adopting a mocking falsetto.

 

_Johnson. Rey Johnson._

 

Ben reached into the pocket of his dress slacks again and sighed in relief as his fingers grazed the penny. It was still there. He hadn’t lost it.

 

_Rey was inside the gym still. Where he had left her shocked and angry. The pain in her eyes still lingered in his mind. Hux had told him to blow her off, to tell her he had better things to do and didn’t need a junior following him at his heels._

 

_And even as his stomach had turned, Ben had repeated every word._

 

“Well, get over it. Who needs her?” Snoke waved for them to follow him. He almost never disguised the fact that Ben’s car was the only reason he’d been adopted into his circle.

 

Ben froze, trying to work something out in his mind. He felt like he’d been here before, could picture himself driving the Falcon to the corner store, and later drinking in Hux’s basement. Could see himself walking into school Monday morning as clear as day, walking up to Rey’s locker for the first time in three years without her greeting him with a smile, but rather a cold shoulder. And flashes of a million other images that made less and less sense to him.

 

It was a hazy vision, like a memory that he experienced, impossible as it sounded.

 

Something inside him sounded a warning as the images flitted through his mind.

 

Ben finally stood up but he didn’t follow Snoke. “I uh, think you should go without me,” he mumbled.

 

“What? We need you to drive,” Phas protested hotly. “Kylo!”

 

But Ben hardly heard her. He was already turning back towards the gym. The confusing images that danced through his mind faded with each step. He didn’t know exactly why, but he knew he needed to go back to Rey _now._

 

This was his chance. Maybe his only chance.

 

He pushed open the door, overwhelmed by the noise and the throng of bodies, eyes struggling to adjust to the darkness. But he barely paused, pushing his way through the crowd of students and searching for Rey.

 

Only a few minutes had passed since he’d fled from her. A lifetime had passed.

 

Finally, he spotted her, near the refreshment table watching as Rose and Finn danced nearby. She was a vision, in her gauzy silver dress that looked like something a Greek Goddess would wear as she lounged on Mount Olympus.

 

“Rey,” Ben breathed, and she spun to face him, eyes ablaze though he could see she had been crying.

 

“Don’t you have _better things to be doing?_ ” she spit, throwing his words back at him and he winced.

 

But he didn’t back off. He knew what he needed to do. “No,” he answered shortly. “There’s nothing better I should be doing, nowhere better to be.”

 

“What changed?” Rey asked, glaring up at him with a skeptical look.

 

“I don’t know,” Ben replied honestly. The visions in his head had faded, like sugar in water, leaving him only with a pressing _need_ to be near Rey. “I just have this _feeling_ that I’m about to lose you, and I can’t...I can’t face a future without you.”

 

“Ben?” Rey’s eyes flickered with hope but her voice remained cautious. He couldn’t blame her. Only a handful of minutes earlier he’d stormed away from her.

 

She hadn’t seen, hadn’t experienced…. _what?_ He couldn’t remember anymore.

 

“Rey I love you” he blurted. He was only 17, he knew his parents would tell him it was puppy love, but he knew better. He rambled on: “I should have told you the day I met you, I should have told you every day since then, I should have told-”

 

And suddenly he couldn’t ramble anymore, because Rey was grabbing his suit coat by the lapels and yanking him towards her and her soft mouth was pressing against his and s _he was kissing him_ and his hands were settling on her waist _and holy shit was that her tongue_ and was he actually _whimpering_?

 

Rey broke away and stared up at him, both of them panting.

 

“You should have told Hux to bugger off,” she said with a smirk.

 

Ben laughed, and tugged Rey closer to him, reveling in the feel of her in his arms. “I think he’s still outside if you want to tell him yourself.”

 

But then he tipped his face to Rey’s and kissed her again. Because really, who wanted to talk about Hux?

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is unbeta'd and only minimally edited because it was supposed to be a 500 word drabble/ficlet for Reylo Week day 4: Time Travel. Then it grew, lol. 
> 
> Just a little bit of self-indulgent 13 Going On 30 Reylo fluff :)


End file.
